Can I do this?

This is the question that goes through my mind daily. Can I DO this? After having my kids, I decided I didn't want to be an overweight thirty something mom who gave up. I have worked hard to be in actually better physical shape than I was before having my kids, but still no where near where I want to be. How did I do it? Bootcamp started it all for me in the spring of 2009. I challenged myself to join Epic Bootcamp 3 mornings a week at 5:30 am (http://www.epicbootcamp.com/). I did multiple sessions, lost 2 sizes, felt AWESOME. Then winter came, I stopped working out and gained it all back. Spring came, I started up again, lost the weight, felt AWESOME, went on a few summer vacations and gained it all back. Do you sense a pattern?

So in August of this year, I decided to join my neighbors on a journey called Couch to 5K (http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml). I have never been a runner, never had the desire. But I felt like, hey, I did bootcamp, let's see if I can run. That was 8 weeks ago and this Sunday I run my first official 5K. I am SO proud of myself and my neighbors for getting this far. We actually have already started training for a 10K and have our eye on that. But with all this running, do you think I lost any weight? No. Not a single pound. I actually gained weight because I was so damn hungry from running so much that I was eating like crazy. And still going out Fridays and drinking a bunch of wine and then eating french fries.

So I woke up one morning and decided to join weight watchers. I am one of those people who need a plan. Tell me the plan, what to do and how to do it and I can make it happen. Once I go off the plan, disaster. I did weight watchers before, probably 8 years ago or so and did great. I think I lost 10-15 pounds, felt great, probably went on vacation and gave up and gained it all back. That pattern of mine! So what is different this time? I really want it. I really really want it. I want to know what it's like to walk into any store and see anything on the rack and know they will have a size that fits me. I want to not feel awful when I go to try on my favorite jeans and they are too tight...again. If I really want to do it this time, it can't just be 2 sizes, you know back to my weight in college. It has to be all out, the best shape I have ever been in. I am pretty sure I can get to a size 10, but a size six sounds scary. And hard. But I keep imaging the finish line. Similar to the hearing "abdominals!" at the end of an hour long bootcamp workout and feeling amazing that I made it through the hour without dying. I am certain similar to how I feel crossing that 5K finish line this Sunday. But most of all I think it will take long enough to get there that I will have learned how to change my eating habits for good. Or at least learn why my eating habits are the way they are, and how to combat them. So wish me luck! Here goes :)